Capitalism is for Girls

No, seriously, it is. Marketing for men must be a complete crapshoot today. Take your typical herbly nice guy- worked hard, got little sex, settled down with a woman well after she finished fucking around with the carousel, and moved on his paycheck into the Hampton Hills. Automatically she doesn’t respect him for committing to her- its in her biology not to respect a man who wants to fund her past alpha fucks (see: “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux”) . But with his paycheck and her leadership, she doesn’t need to respect him- she can wear the household pants, make the decisions, and otherwise take over.

So naturally, with nesting instincts kicking in, she becomes an interior decorator, a semichef, a contractor, and when its all rolled into one package: a consumer. She might get his input on what she wants to do, but damn if he can shut down a seeming renovation of the house. She has too many tools in her arsenal that he cannot wage war with.

So who buys absolutely everything in the house, short of a new house and a new car? Mom/Honey. Who hires the contractor to come along, do some work? Mom/Honey. Who spends the paycheck while the other half pines away over a new boat, never to get it? Mom/ Honey. Combine the two words “mom”+”honey” and you get “money.” Sounds about right. [Edit: if you combine “ho” and “money”, you get “mom” and “honey.” Scary thought…)

God forbid you are fucking idiot who gets saddled with a alpha’s pump and dump. Chances are she will buy buy buy to plug the holes in her ego. Case in point.

So when we evolve into a country that is based on marketing to women, don’t try and extemporaneously wonder where all the men are spending their money. Don’t even worry about families or traditional marriage. These things are not likely to coexist unless the power is in the man’s hands, and the resulting power to be choosy about his wife, his purchases, and his future time orientation. Till then, party rock is in the house tonight.

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