When the SHTF

 

The typical image of a survivalist is a stubborn loner individual who stockpiles his cabin full of ammunition, freeze-dried food, and Polish-surplus jerry cans full of diesel. He spends endless hours preparing for when shit-hits-the-fan, knowing that its not a matter of “if ” but “when.” His stockpiles are meant to provide a life of post-apocalyptic luxury compared to the starving masses he expects will be roaming the earth.

Unfortunately, I think the realistic scenario is that the ultimate survivalist will look more like the image below.

 

The topic of today’s post came from a google search for ‘survivalist.’  Surprisingly, one of the image results was an image of this chick. It was a “Ultimate Survival Guide to Coachella” website.  The site actually proved a point stronger than the original direction I intended for this post.

I originally intended to make the point that in a national or global collapse white people are permitted to have only the ex-military-oddball-loner image in mind. The reality is more like: you will find white guys who look exactly like you with values exactly like you and ban together. Although you are most likely the group to come out on top,  chances are you will be raayycist.

Back to the cute hipster. Why the word ‘survival’ came to be associated with music festivals I can only speculate: half-baked/half-buzzed hot and dizzying afternoons, endless swarms of people, ease of becoming disoriented, not to mention passing out after acid trips in a field of hipster shantytown, nowhere near your home basecamp Ozark tent.

The cute teenage hipster will most likely survive better than your red-blooded conservative survivalist. Hipsters have a keen sense of dressing to blend in with their crowd, conveying an obvious skill at dressing to match their social group. Second, hipsters are used to functioning while disoriented and dazed from hitting the bong. Third, the cute young girl is going to get anything she wants- she has a cultivated skill in getting other people to do everything for her- find her way, cook her meal, etc. Fourth, hipsters resemble their earlier incarnation, hippies. Hippies had absolutely no skill at achieving their ‘gaia’ organic way of life (farmers sat around scratching their heads), but they still had the ability to seduce thousands of people to follow them. A life of sitting around and toking while planting organic corn just seems sexier than living in a homemade fallout shelter.

If only the survivalists would realize that there is a social group for them floating around out there- despite being mixed in with the rest of the chaff- this social group would prevail better than any other. So don’t escape to the woods. Build a community of well prepared like minded people, and purposely exclude everyone else.

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