Two Great Ideas for your Tuedsay

Take these ideas with a grain of salt. Although in retrospect #2 seems scarily possible, despite the intended satire.


Idea 1: A humane choice for mass murderers

James Holmes has a bevy of fans.  What seems like a bunch of ugly and rejected girls think nothing of their attention-whoring support of a mass murderer. Here’s my suggestion that we as a society should give James Holmes and other mass murderers.

Option 1: The standard option. Commence trial, get charged on counts of murder and attempted murder. If sentenced to death, die in a maximum security prison. If sentenced to life,  live out the remainder of his life in a sexless cage with a bunch of black guys.

Option 2: Forgo trial. Allow several weeks for fan mail to arrive from female fans. Use police to round up any ‘fan’ that James Holmes selects from his bevy of mail. Allow Holmes to have a night of passion (yearight) with all of them. Then promptly execute the whole lot at daybreak the next day.

This is a win-win proposal all around. Mass murderers finally get to have some sex in prison, even if it happens shortly before death, the fan girls finally get to connect with their idols, and society gets to clear out some of the riff-raff that would grow up to foist their entitlements on unsuspecting men (“I loved mass murderers when I was young and naive, now I love just you! Let’s get married and have children.”)

Idea 2: Beta male war

Let’s whip up a campaign using images of hot and beautiful women being oppressed by ‘drunken misogynists’ over in Eastern Europe. Also, images of hot Persian women being oppressed by ‘patriarchal Muslim bigots’ would work as well. Create an artistic symbol that women can mark themselves with, signifying ‘i’m ready to be liberated to the modern world of equality.’  Build us an army of white knights to go over there and ‘rescue’ these women. The betas would jump at the chance to appear like saviors. They would gladly fight and eliminate the hordes of ‘patriarchal bigots’ if they knew they could ‘escort’ these women back to the western world.

Once they do the USA government a favor by eliminating the Muslim threat, they come home with the girls. Beta males rejoice, believing their nirvana to be right around the corner. Alpha males really rejoice, waiting around the corner at the local bar. After a week, the liberated young chicks head on over to happy hour, bored. In the words of the great George H-W Bush, “mission accomplished


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