Here is a specimen I collected in the wild, from a forty-something spinster’s comment to me about early marriage:
Ideally, if I had my druthers, I would still want to experiment with life in my twenties and then be in that lucky cohort of women who were able to find someone in their thirties. 32 would have been just about perfect. For me, being fully human is the chance to make mistakes and take chances in life in the same way men are allowed to do. Also, the few opportunities I (might have) had to marry in my twenties were not right for me, and I had a pretty big fear of divorce. I’m also a bit alternative, and I’ve never been particularly interested in older men, neither of which helped.
In other words, effing around in your twenties with hot young men is so freaking fun that even though it has left her a bitter babe with no husband or children, a fact she bemoans daily on her blog, she wouldn’t change a thing.
I followed up her comment with this one:
Men want to succeed. Men fail so that they can learn something from it and succeed next time.
It seems as though this girl is embracing the path to failure, but she glorifies that? Ah. I understand. She is trying to use a red herring to make you believe that she believes those dozens of “failed relationships” were baaad. But considering that she gets her apparent place in the sexual market from them (i.e. fucked the drummer of that famous indie band, and now thinks she is famous) I GUARANTEE that she doesn’t see them as mistakes.
I would like to expound on this subtle and deceptive doublespeak. Consider the phrase,
“I took a chance. I made a mistake. It was bad at the time, but I don’t regret the choice I made.”
The words are an inherently sexist. Why? If we were to look at a scientific study of both men and women who said this, it would mean two entirely different things:
For men, it runs the gamut. It could be both a cynical or an enthusiastic statement. If the man failed in an honest way that was related to his now- successful career, he might still think with wistfulness about his carefree youth. Oppositely, if he led his career to bankruptcy to be mired in debt forever, he might be depressed but still positive about the experience. This is so critical for men because a sexy man is a man who trys, fails, and bounces back repeatedly.
Therefore, the scientific results would correlate this statement with successful men: higher average wage, higher position in the hierarchy, etc. You could assume that by uttering these words, a man is biased to be successful.
In a moment, we will look at how women use the phrase.
I had to google sunshinemary’s quote to find the source of the original passage. Seeing sunshinemary’s comments at said source proved its authenticity. The quote came from a blog post entitled “worth” by “rantywoman” at her blog THEBITTERBABE. Feel free to read her content, or not- since none of it is encouraging or positive. Seeing her username and the blog title was all I needed to make my point.
Now to the phrase, “I took a chance. I made a mistake. It was bad at the time, but I don’t regret the choice I made.” Women spend all of their fertile years chasing after the kind of men who would utter this phrase. Therefore, their choice of language mimics their hypergamous nature. A feminist unconsciously talks upward to sound like an alpha because she has spent so much time pining after the alpha and witnessing how he uses similar phrases. Phrases that reflect his dominant attitude, and his resilient ability to bounce back from failures.
rantywoman even gives us a tell: she writes a line with the important qualification as men are allowed to do. She believes that the positivity and resilience of a man bouncing back and learning from failure is a privilege and not innate natural mental ability. Remember: the alpha can make a grevious mistake and people both hate and endear his ability to reply in a positive way. Having chased this type of man all her life, the feminist cannot understand how repeated success can come from failure. Therefore she subverts the phrase by associating the pursuit of failure with it. She becomes jaded and bitter.
[PS. Will the Asshole Tattoo chick say “I took a chance. I made a mistake. It was bad at the time, but I don’t regret the choice I made.”? when her looks have expired? If so, will it make her more positive?
Will Robert Pattinson say “I took a chance. I made a mistake. It was bad at the time, but I don’t regret the choice I made.” after he bangs Kate Upton for a while and then dumps her? If so, will it make him more positive?]