Translations from Hamster

This is my real body and I love it.

It has stretch marks, tan lines, lumps, bumps, bruises, scars. It’s muscular in some places, soft in some places, and bony in some places. That’s what makes it my body, and that’s why I love it.

This was apparently a slogan made popular by Dove soap (owned by Unilever, a mega-corporation who is clearly in the business of pandering to women.

Here and now I will translate these words for you using WordPress’ ACME translator- which I bet you didn’t know existed.

*Click click buzzzz beep beep beep boop “Spin detected, initiating translator…”

Look at my fucking body, Jesus Christ.

It has disgusting stretch marks, discolored tan lines, weird unnatural protrusions, and ugly scars. I used to be toned and tan, now everything looks flabby and soft. I can feel bones… If I push down through a few layers of spongy and wrinkly cellulite. I can’t control this shit despite my literal diet of hamster food, nor hours of exercise. So I guess I have to fucking live with it. Might as well put on a huge shit-eating grin. Duuuurrr.

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One Response to Translations from Hamster

  1. Mark says:

    There wouldnt be such a problem with fat acceptance or body acceptance if…

    1. It wasn’t a movement at the same time that more and more women are enforcing higher standards for the bodies of men they sleep with. They want their men to be muscular with low body fat while they themselves want to feel free to be fat.

    2. If fat acceptance didn’t come with the bonus of shaming men for having standards.

    3. It’s not enough that they can be fat, the rest of society must change to accommodate them and make them feel good about their flab. I think real, widespread fat shaming is a myth spread by female supremacists.

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