An Open Letter to Patagonia fanboys

I see what you did there. You almost had me.

I see how you use consumer branding to form a new kind of tribal society. One where you are in if you wear the P. Out if you don’t.

I see how you all graduated from Stanford business school just like Chooey. I see how you are sons of the 1%; you are sons of the military industrial complex you seem to talk bad about (to use Chouinards own phrase). I see how desperately you delude yourselves from noticing how much fuel you burn. Masturbatory self-affirmation spiritual eco-trips. The smoke trail is hard to ignore. That and the droning of your private aircraft.

I look at you and laugh because you believe that consumerism is the new tribe. You wake up and see the world as a place where you need a $400 dollar eco-friendly jacket. You see the world as a place worth exploring, so long as you have a twitter feed and local brewhouse ale and a jacquzzi. You might burn gasoline, use hydroelectric power, use coal, or fly coach with avgas; but its ok, since it is all about realizing your inner self.

In another person’s point of view, you don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself.

Feel free to deny, but i notice the objective, not the subjective. Your net consumption never really goes down, does it? Trapped in the same cycle of consumption and identity aren’t you? You never give up your 4×4 do you? Nor your TV?


Choinard is a big-business asshole who has wrapped his identity in clan-flagellation. He profits from making humans look evil for buying normal shit. Face the reality.

While you suck on the thirsty teat of a niche specialty (Goretex uber stretch dri loft jackets for mountaineering), reality lazily laps milk from the deluge of her own teat. You need a technical hardshell mountaineering jacket, meanwhile Marianna and her ten thousand cousins need a cable connection and latin soap operas.

They always say “keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” I can reassure you that I am wearing my Patagonia boxer shorts right now.

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1 Response to An Open Letter to Patagonia fanboys

  1. livingwell says:

    As an old climber from the 70’s, all I can say is f…ing BRAVO! Dead on.

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