Natalie Portman’s Boyfriend has Game Pt. 2

In part 1, we looked at some great alpha male behaviors of dealing with some serious alpha-female-entitled-queen like behaviors. Lets continue:

The next night, my boy Cabic comes over to play some xBox and braid my hair, and NP sits in the corner reading a magazine (I believe it was Highlights) and acting like she’s doing me some big favor by letting me have my bromance. Cabic is so weirded out he leaves after only two hours of Madden and I think she can sense that I’m frustrated, because when I come into the bedroom she’s wearing the blonde wig from Closer and she has her mouth duct-taped shut. You tell me if you could resist. You can’t. It’s impossible.

Two guys braiding hair is pretty queer, but since he is a hipster it passes as alpha cred. Natalie Portman proceeds to attempt to regain his favor by sexually acting on of her old roles. Her influence seems to have a hold over him, right?

While sex isn’t everything, it is something. When it’s not around you look to see if maybe it’s on your computer. When it’s lying in your bed about to say something completely insane about the motivation of the Israeli citizens building settlements on Palestinian land, you have to ask yourself: At what cost?

Wrong. Her weirdness drives him away, ready to break up. Breaking up with an alpha-queen actress? Alpha.

All she can think is 'yummy'

I finally can’t control myself: “THERE WILL BE NO FUCKING BANANA PANCAKES,” I scream. “And when you’re from Long Island, I don’t think you can call the U.S. ‘The States.’ Pretty sure that’s just a bullshit affectation. You went to Solomon Schechter for Christ’s sake.”

“That hurts me a lot, D,” she says.

“That’s what she said,” I said. “You watch The Office? No? I’m never good at this part.”

Notice that even in his violent outburst of breaking up, he changes the subject to her illogical references to the USA as if she were foreign. Notice in the middle of breaking up the “that’s what she said” joke. Double – fucking – alpha.

“I guess it’s better,” she says. “But I’ll always treasure our photoset together. Do you want to get coffee?”

“Sure,” I say, “but just as friends, and I should probably take off this SS uniform first.”

Notice that the alpha pull on a girl often drives the girl to do increasingly stranger acts to try and secure his commitment.  This forces the friend zone, as we see. This is the only legit friendzoning you should ever hear about.

Let me offer some closing thoughts about this guy and his writing. Often times an alpha’s behaviors get translated through the beta filter as weirdo funky behavior. Peregrine falcon feathers? SS uniform? Banana pancakes? However, any woman reading this would probably be thinking, “wow, this guy is really interesting.” If you can cultivate an interesting persona in which interrupting coitus for papayas makes perfect sense, you , my friend, have become fucking alpha.